My blog.

I finally figured out my blog will be my best companion forever.
It's there all the time, without any complaint, loving me with no reason.
The best thing is, no one will read it.
It's like a diary.
But I hate diary.
I hate to write.
Typing is easier.
I love you, A.
I know how much love means to him.
I left him because I love him.
He must be thinking "bullshit".
I'm glad I have a cousin and a little brother.
They understand my situation.
I can't stop thinking.
His kisses,
His cooking,
His everything.
Mother Teresa once said, When you love until it hurts, they'll be no more hurt, only love.
Is it true?
No matter how deep I can love a person,
eventually we'll have no future.
The last thing I want you to trust me,
I never lied about anything I told you.
Everything.

A wall, separated us.
I know I love you, you don't.

Ending.

Today will be the day of my story ending.
Sorry for being so childish, irresponsible, selfish and so on.
I figured I will never be a good partner to anyone else.
I'll end everything I started.
Feel free to hate.
I can imagine how hurt will you be.
You'll get over it.
As long as we haven't gone too far like my previous.
That hurts more.
I am a cruel person.
You'll eventually find out about that.
Before I could hurt you deeper, I rather this thing ends here.
Without leaving anything behind...
Don't forgive me, I know you will never.
Take care, bye.

People who know me got the idea that I love black rose, but they don't understand why.

Because black rose is the symbol of hopeless.

So do I.

I love the way black rose should be.

Black rose understands me.

I'm confused.

I understand how much I had hurt him.
I've got a theory now.
I should be alone until I figured what I want.
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
I'm a bitch.
Before I fall deeper, I should end this.

Irony.

It's kinda irony that after everything I'd gone through, I'm not sure what I really wanted.

Crazier.

I'm getting crazier nowadays.
Ya, like what he called me.
Crazy crazy crazy and crazy.
I'm addicted to everything of him.
This is so gonna drive me crazy.
I'm addicted to you.

This is for you.

I'm currently spending my time with kids in the morning and adults in the afternoon.

I'm glad that my way of spending my day has created a balanced situation in my life.

I'm currently going through a very hard time ( called hard cause it's hardly under controlled ).

He doesn't know the way I felt.

He might have clue but he wasn't sure.

I wanted to let him know everything but I can't in the moment.

I can't promise anything.

I know I'm hurting him but, it's not my wish.

One thing I'm glad, I'm still spending time with the kids.

Kids are innocent.

They just did whatever was right in their mind.

Without thinking any consequences.

That's pretty cool.

I mean when I was with them, I feel happy, like simply happy without reasons.

And in the recess time, is the best.

We played hide and seek, although I'll always be the one to chase but who cares?

I feel FREE.

Life is complicated.

It's good to be simple sometime.

Like when we spent time together, I got that comfortable feeling too.

I'm falling for you, full-heartedly completely.

You don't know this.

I'll tell you when I'm ready for this and I can make promises. 

Remember what I said to you?

I meant it when I said it.

I love you.

In case.

The YOU and HIM I was talking about,

was the same.

Changed.

I would say things changed.
I hated the question you asked me right now.
I know it's hurting you right now.
I can't bear to take the truth.
Why would you asked?
You knew it hurts, don't you?
Hurting you makes me suffer more. than. you. do.
Don't you know that?

Sorry for being emo.
I figured no one gonna see this.

My life's not lively...

Sometimes, cards on table isn't a wonderful thing.

I can't eat.

Swallowing food kills me.

I'd missed him, too much.
I meant it.

how can I make it clear?

He's special.

I didn't want to stop seeing him.

But I will eventually.

3 days left.

I have no more time. 

This sucks when it struck to my mind.

I understood the word agony describes my feelings.

Who cares?

I know he did.

The thing is, I can't do this.

I will gonna hurt two parties.

That's the last thing on earth I would do.

I'm too weak to hurt him.

I'm sorry I can't let you know what I feel about you.

No one.

Except myself.

I can't imagine one day, if I were to see him holding a girl.

That's gonna be like a disaster.

But, there's nothing I can do.

I wasn't good enough for him.

I felt like Bella(twilight) now.

Belle , Bella , Belle , Bella...

 

I sighed.

It's hurting me when you say that you understood I musn't like you.

Forgive me for leaving my account frozen :P

What to share from last year's Christmas till now??

Most fascinating subject to share will be the Genting trip this starting of the year.
My girls, my boy, and supposed my cousin are going together but C didn't make it caused of fever.
So seven of us went up by bus, Eve went up by her dad's car.

How am I supposed to explain my feeling?
EXCITED.

I can say this is the first time eight of us hang out together out of KL.
Every time will be missing out someone.

Hmmm,
who cares now?
EVERYONE'S HERE.


We reached and settled down with our bags at the bell counter.
Then what else??
Fun time!

It was a lil pouring of cold water as it wasn't a sunny day like we wished.
It was drizzling. :(
Haih.

Somehow we had fun.

Picture sharing time !  <3

 We looked excited, aren't we?

 Me and my boy. p/s: We're back together!

 Queuing for solero shot

I'm shaking!

 Out at night. COLD.

 On escalators. 

After solero shot. Unstable~

There's a lot more actually.

But since all of us were playing, no one's taking picture.

:P

Love you guys.

xoxo

Went to doctor today, on Christmas. :(

This morning, I wasn't feeling so well.

My mother brought me to doctor.

We ran around here and there.

But it's Christmas.

Most of the clinic is closed.

Luckily there's one more in Genting Klang.

So not feeling well today.

Nothing much to share.

xoxo

99 roses.

I've never been so surprise before.
A man stood in front of my house 12pm sharp today.
He was calling whether anybody home.
I was so lazy to go out.
My mom went and opened the door.
The man was short and he was holding 99 roses.
My mom shouted.
She thought those were hers.
And she called me.
I walked out and see that too.
That's for me.

(@,@) !!!

I haven't seen this much roses before.
Of course I did in flower shop but not as present.
They're from him.
Can't deny that I'm shock but...
Can't really explain that feeling.
Wow...
Photo is available.

p/s : 99 roses are FREAKING heavy.
It's a good start of the day.





xoxo

Timesquare. :D

Went shopping yesterday. :D
Out from 1pm till 11pm.
Thought wanna update my blog yesterday but too late.
Tired.
Only bought one tee.
So not in the shopping mood surprisingly. : P
Played bowling too.
That was pretty embarrassing.
Whew~
I fell down while letting go the bowling...
The bowling dropped while I swung my hand behind...
Urgh...
Lucky people were excited and busy with their own game.
They didn't see those.
Wish I could improve more in bowling though.

Some photos here. :D

By the way, B is gonna be a girl at home today.
Nothing much to share then. :D

xoxo

My mom is back from Thailand.

She bought so many things for me.
Clothes,shoes,earrings,scarfs...
She know me.
I love everything she bought.
She's amazing.
Best mom in the world.


I know.
Those really sounded unctuously.
But I do really touched with her act.
I mean she went for the holidays.
She should make the vacation mainly for herself.
But she thought of me too.
I didn't expect all this.
Kisses for her. :D




xoxo

Another day at home.

I am alone at home again.
My brother went for basketball and will be back around 3pm.
My dad visited my uncle in hospital.
My mom is currently in Thailand and will be back at 7pm.
I miss her.
What I can do is use computer and watch movie.


A sudden thought. : P
You heard MJ's <You're not alone> ?

The chorus part:

"...You are not alone,
I am here with you,
Though we're far apart,
You're always in my heart..."

exchange with my version:

"...Another day at home,
Someone tell me why,
If this continues,
I rather be a doll.."

I am so random. XD

xoxo

Facon Edu. Fair

Went to the education fair...AGAIN.
Last year I went there too.
Same place.
I got to know more information this year. :D
At least I know what to ask.
Last year's sucks.
When people knew I'm 16, I got ignored.
I am finally 17 then.

Hahahahaha.

Now when people want me to write down my information, I don't have to fake it anymore.
: P
I strongly feel that all my 17's friends should stop by and take a look at the exhibition.
You'll learn a lot.
I promise.


xoxo

Feel good about gathering :D

All of us except my twin hang together at Jeremy's place tonight.
It's been awhile after the BIOLOGY SPM papers done.
There's so much to catch up with.
I finally meet En Ching. Hope I didn't spelled wrong. : P
She's nice.
I thought it would be boring but it seems the opposite.
Those food was amazing, mutton curry! Maa Favourite : D D D.
And Marshmallow with chocolate melt !
I ate a...l..o...t of course.

Who cares.


Food is attempting.

Not much of normal people can fight that.
Apparently, sadly I am one of the normal people.
Wuuuuu....> <
T T


xoxo

Went to Secret Recipe after decades.

Aww,
Just miss the taste!
Can you imagine it??
I know, its like doing an advertising job for S.R but I really can't deny I love their cheese cakes.
Yogurt cheese is shown above.
The combination of yogurt and some jam above the yogurt + cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese...
They are definitely the most perfect couple.
They just put my mood into the best condition.


xoxo